best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
