It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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