Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize