Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
