His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
