then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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