It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
