It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
