Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
