Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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