this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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