I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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