He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
