she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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