I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was born a porn star she said
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
