Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
