Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
