i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
