i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
