So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
