I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
