Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
