I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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