she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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