No stitches, just platelets and will power
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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