if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
