1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
