i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
