I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
