The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
