I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
