drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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