What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
