that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
