the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
