dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
