It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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