THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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