i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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