just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
