You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
