can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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