And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
