it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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