just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize