imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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