Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
