the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
