Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
