Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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