I cannot find my penis.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
