Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
