I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
