RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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