did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
