Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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