I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
