OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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