Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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