your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
