i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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