I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
