they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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