Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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