I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
