So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
