You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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