I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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