Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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