I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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