pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
