Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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