She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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