there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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