I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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