I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
