If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
