He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
birth control should be required to get into college
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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