the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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