she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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