omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
