Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
