Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize