Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
