You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
