Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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