I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you would pick up someone in the library
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
