He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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