It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
