Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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