my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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