Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
