I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
