the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
