I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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