genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
