yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize