is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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