Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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