Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize