I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
