Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
