My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
