I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
