i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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