We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
