there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
