just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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