you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
