capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
