I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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