About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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