I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
