At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
false alarm, still single
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
