Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
