My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
