I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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