In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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