My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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