Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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