A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is classic penis vs brain.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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